So this is redundant but for some reason I'm not getting it and the universe is hell bent on making sure I do. So I think it's about time that I step up and start listening. What do I mean by this? Let's see, I've said this before but as a mother you want you kids to expierence everything. Most mothers wait what, like 6-7 months for their children to walk. It's usually not a thought really until about 10 or 11 months old. The transistion from crawling to creeping to crusing to standing to walking seems to fly by. For us other moms who were told at 20 weeks pregnant that our child may not walk I've been waiting 26 months!!! That's over two years! Now I am so appreciate that we know that there will be a day that he will be up and walking and maybe even running around. There are other mommas out there whose little ones aren't going to walk until 3 or 4 years old or some may never walk. Hearing over and over again that he'd totally going to be a walker and having trouble pictuing it is tough. I have all these dreams at night that we're out somewhere like a park and he just takes off. Over and over again I get to these points where I get frustrated. The worst part is he clearly gets frustrated sometimes. I even broke down the other day (a couple of times) just wishing he could do it. Wishing for a sign he was progressing. Sometimes when your engulfed in something every day it's hard to see the little changes. Then he showed me. He was at swim class at standing in the shallow end with the other kids holding on to the side. He was watching all the kids jump around and play in the water and he kept looking through the corner of his eye at me. I just sat quietly. Next thing I knew he just took a couple steps back and let go. He literally stood for about 7 seconds!! I was so excited I screamed! Obviously, this caused him to drop to his knees. Then he showed me, another day we were at my mom's inground pool and he was standing on a stair with his back to the stair and he took like 2 steps and stood there. Then he jumped forward and tried to swim (with a puddle jumper on)! I'm starting to see that in order to get him to do anything I just have to find a secret dare devil game to play with it. My plan this way is to get really creative!
Secondary, even though this have been a tough couple of weeks around here the toughest part for me is being the one who writes the checks and pays the bills. It's one thing to know when your broke, it's another to see the money go. Watch the bank account go down and not know where the next check will come from. This week we've had many angels and blessings. Quiet little fortunate circumstances have come our way. Everytime I get scared we won't have enough we figure something out. I keep thinking, please don't let my "almost" luck run out! (*Almost luck is what I call the times that things go bad and then something good happens to break you to at least even just giving you enough so you can't be mad and have to be appreciative) So to all of you angel out there that have helped us these past couple of weeks from babysitters to those hiring us for odd jobs and more. You know who you are and I wouldn't know what we would do without you.
So, no more getting down! No more doubting little mans abilities or my own! I watch all of these warrior mommies in our little special needs circle have tough weeks or days and we all doubt our strength and abilities. This is for them.... STOP, remember that tomorrow will be better and there are little reminders everywhere all you have to do is keep your eyes open. You will find them.
So universe I get it... well I'll try harder at least!