Crazy!!

Funny how when I was pregnant with Bella I was excited and scared at the same time. Scared mainly of just the unknown. I hadn't been around a lot of babies and had no clue what to expect.  I don't remember being very nervous about labor although, I think I didn't freak out about that until my water broke and I realized she wasn't going to be protected inside me anymore.  This was it! A baby was coming! When we found out we were having another little bundle I was excited to have a "I know what I'm doing" pregnancy. How hard could it be I've already done it once before.  Now I find myself (especially today) full of anxiety of the unknown again. Maybe more this time. The weird thing is I'm not so much nervous about the challenges our baby and ourselves will face with the SB diagnosis but more with small things like the c-section, I'm freaking out about being cut open while I'm wide awake right there. It's just not normal! They say you can't see anything but just knowing it's going on is too much for me!  Get the smelling salts ready because I'm sure I'll pass out before they even get the baby out!  I'm pretty nervous about not getting to hold my little guy right away, all I keep thinking is some nurse is going to be soothing him and stuff before me! I want to be the first person he bonds with and no one else! There are about 10 million other things giving me anxiety but if you know me you know that this is nothing new.  I'm usually a bundle of nerves.  A certified crazy person! I fixate on trivial anxieties and let them drive me nuts to later realize it isn't that big of a deal.  So tonight is another one of those nights.  Tomorrow is our ultrasound, ob appt, and consultation with the NICU. I think we may also be finding out a tentative date for the c-section. That I'm most excited about since I love to plan.  I'll post tomorrow night to update you all about our appointments. Let's cross our fingers for another "boring" one this week! :)